Squidney

might fuck around and be a goat named Felicia

the-super-scout:

helioscentrifuge:

runtime-err0r:

itsvondell:

you can take one man’s trash to another man’s treasure but you can’t make it drink

Fun fact: the blending of idioms or cliches is called a malaphor.

My personal favorite is “We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.”

I looked it up b/c that was a very familiar idiom and how could it be wrong but then

image

yeah wow that’s spot on perfect

my catchphrase

(via nyxasteria)

whatisthat-velvet:

securelyinsecure:

Yvette Nicole Brown Responds to the NY Times’s portrayal of Shonda Rhimes as an “Angry Black Woman”

I didn’t even see Yvette’s tweets..But yeah. This happened and Black twitter went in.

(via condom)

illkim:

When you use your ID at the club for the first time

image

image

(via moriarty)

hiiifly:

Somebody @ both of them together and get this HBO boxing event popping

(via condom)

dajo42:

alternatives to “it was all just a dream”

  • it was all just a story the narrator heard somebody else tell on the bus
  • it was all just somebody rambling after getting their wisdom teeth out
  • it was all just a feature length puppet show
  • it was all just a set of cave paintings
  • it was all just a frighteningly elaborate set of instructions on the back of a microwaveable meal

(via voice-of-tartarus)

klefable:

shockingly, kids are sick and tired of paying hundreds of dollars for overpriced stacks of paper!!!!!! who wouldve thought!!!!!!

klefable:

shockingly, kids are sick and tired of paying hundreds of dollars for overpriced stacks of paper!!!!!! who wouldve thought!!!!!!

(via condom)

ryenross:

me: hey i’m kinda good at this writing thing
*reads other people’s writing*
me: i am a literary potato

(via yahighway)